ZOMG ZOMFGG,
I'M FUGKIN ALIVE.
Hahahaha k i'm finally updating aftr.. uhmm.. Oh, bout a month &a half. Like WHOA, how time flies..
So the summary of what ive been doin durin this time:
Workin, Schooling, Clubbing, Tryin to heal a broken heart, Workin, Workn, Clubbing, Nursin a broken heart, Workin, Workin, Birthday party, Hooked up w a guy, Workin, Got tgt w th guy, Schoolin, Workin, Got frustrated w tht guy, Schoolin, Workin, Went chalet w CorinDarlin, Fell fer her friend, Workin, School, Caught up with Bro &Jie &Jerald, Pierced my lip, Broke up with tht guy, Got tgt w Corin's friend, Broken heart completely healed.

&Yeap, that was the sequence of events tht occured during my absence here at LJ. &SO SO SRY to those ppl i did not update when i broke up and had a brand new boy well NOW, im officially tellin yall, I'M OFFFICIALLY ATTACHED TO TANG WEI MIN OF TEMASEK POLY YEAR 1 IN ENGINEERING. :D

Now there y'go. Hahaha. Well finally my wounded heart has been nursed and healed successfully haha. &i thought i wanted to stay single fer as long as possible when i had my heart crushed back in May, even when i got tgt with tht guy frm th bday party.. Then indulging myself in the nightlife &alcohol, thinkin thats how i should be livin my life, carefree, wanting to close my heart to r/ships, but didnt know howta resist a guy's sweet-talkin, &got myself into an emotional turmoil all over again.  Ha but thanks thanks ta Corin fer inviting me to tht chalet tht day, i got to know someone who saved me from that, made feel my worth, and showed me how much better i deserved to be treated by a guy..

Hell yea it is all too fast again but the feeling's totally diff, was smth i didnt feel when i was w tht guy b4 this.. It's smth i doubt anyone could explain but think th best explanation is, Weimin made me forget bout my prev ex completely. So it isn't bout how long i would take to get over a break up, it is how long til i find the right guy who could totally replace that space in my heart where my ex used to be. And im pretty sure, at least fer now, that he's that so-called 'right guy'. I'm havin faith cuz he showed me every reason to believe in this brand new r/ship, a chance to love and be loved again. So so what if it's a lil too fast? Why deprive myself of smth tht could be so much better just cuz im afraid or paranoid of bein hurt again? When the feeling's almost perfect, grab that opportunity before you lose it. Ha Weimin almost did cuz when he finally had th courage to talk to me, i was alr with tht guy at that time. Ha so we're not lettin go this time.

Hahh, itz been 2-3 weeks since ive updated &so many stuffz hav changed in me life. I've finally started working, hav never skipped a single day of sch since sch started (k except ystrd whn i decided to claim my own holiday), paid th fuvking fines, broken my 4-5month's chain of anti-consumption of alcoholic stuffvz, started chiong-ing clubbing agn, thonning, quickly adapting to single life. But not quite. Convinced myself so many fuvkin times, that itz better this way BUTTT, cant control th thoughts that run thru my head whenever i'm alone,, the emotions i feel whenever i get reminded of smth we usedta do tgt when evrythin seemed perfect then..
OHGKKAY STOP IT  CLAIR, STOP WHINING OVR SPILT MILK ALR & GET A GRIP.

Wow, easy fer me ta say. Anybody's got a cure fer this? Besides drinking &indulging myself in rnb nd nigga music blasting frm clubs &work work workin justa fill up that void space in my heart ? Cuz i thought these will work, plus school and all, make myself so fuvking lethargic so i'd be too tired to think abt it but apparently, no. There aint stoppin it. Cheezepiez.

Seriously goddamned it luhh. No idea why guys are born as insensitive fickle-minded creatures &us girls, slaves of Love. No wonder girls turn lesbians. HAHH, bloody hell my classmate actl thought i was one.. Hurr hell yea i'll become one if there aint gunna be a decent good-lookin guy paired up with a decent heart mind body nd soul as well.

OHH-KAY, enough whining bout guys, letz talk bout me babygirls ! Hee they've been my painkillers &i'm soo grateful fer such friends who can actl give sensible advices despite being younger than me HAHA.

i am cured ppl just this mornin i'm cured i'm cured ! :D
Just last night, th numbness wore off &i felt th pain of loss again &thought i wont be able to pick myself up again BUTT NICE PPL TALKED TO ME hee thanks Skemo, thanks Amon, thankz Ruthie Ruth,. &After much thinkin before i wenta bed nd this mornin on th wayta sch, i feel much better right now. (:

Reasons why i shld let go:
1 I'm like what, EIGHTEEN ?? &There are ppl who dont get married til 30++.. i may not know everything bout what love really is yet tho i do hav a rough idea of what a serious relationship is like thanks to Fifi.. (:
2 Everything happens for a reason. So i shldn't regret & say this r/ship's a total mistake, cuz i did learn alot frm it &those things made me a better person.
3 Now tht i cant depend on a r/ship to discipline myself, i'll havta learn to do that on my own and control myself &be independent.
4 i'll be busy now tht ive school and workk so yay! $$$$$$$$ No time think of BGR
5 i can now free some of my restrictions i had but learn to control&limit myself so i dont lose myself..
6 Though he seemed like th perfect guy fer me there were things tht clashed so who knws, i'll find someone like him who has th same mindset &lifestyle as me in future since i knw now what i rly want in a guy !! :D

&SCHOOL'S DOPE TODAY MANNNZSZX !
Hahahaha smoke during first break banged into a pillar kena bullied by class retards whalao.. BUT I WILL SURVIVE :D

Goshness, it hasnt been long has it? But yea, there were minute signs in the beginning, but i totally  ignored thm, just obliviously holding on to the last ropes of hope. Hope, of a long-lasting relationship, of keepin it burnin, that things could be the same as it once was if not, better.. That, the guy who stole my heart and owned it 4 months ago, the guy who loved me so much nd whom i loved as much, would be back fer good. But still, i cant blame him. In a relationship, once feelings are lost, there is really nothin either party could do about it.. But to let go.
&Obviously, letting go isn't my forte.

Yes i did feel it, felt the distance, felt the difference. But it's me and my bloody emotions which make letting go so fugging hard.
All the intimite memorable moments, involuntarily replays in my head like a fugging broken record ive no control over. All his efforts and love that made me to what i am today, a better person. All that care nd lovin that made me feel secure, nd the strength to carry on..
Well all that, is what i havta live without frm now on.

Love and care would still exist between us, but, in the form of a friendship, no longer a relationship. And i can only hope time is gunna make me get used to it . But i'm afraid, so very afraid, that w/o him, i may just fall back into my old ways, and never get back out of it again. So afraid of regretting losing him as a bf in future. So afraid of missing him knowing i can never see him the same ever again..

Well mayb `tis gunna be a good thing after all. Fer both of us. While he can concentrate on workin on his future, i'll learn to be even more independent nd have control over my pathetic self. Strength. Thats what i needa obtain frm myself and not someone else to handle my own shitz. Okkay i think after typing all these down i'm feeling numbed alr frm all this. Hah. i just wonder how long this numb feeling will last man.

Still, Fi darlin, i wanna thank you so much fer entering my life and being part of it. Though you didnt stay long in it, i will never regret loving you once, or regret the sacrifices i made in changing myself, or regret all the effort i put into our relationship. Because you did teach me how to love again in the most realistic and sensible way, not just lovin you, but my family as well. You taught me things no other guy could; You somehow zoomed into my life frm nowhere &saved me from the never-ending pit i was falling into..
And thats th kinda love i never experienced my whole life..
This 4months plus has been th happiest ive been in all my relationships. Hah the most meaningful one as well. I guess we're still a lil too young to know everything bout what love is.. Guess i'm not meant fer you.. Well you really do deserve better anyway..
But hey, you're really the best ive ever had. (:
</div>

School's been soso only fer th past three days.. Muhh brain cells aint as juicy with creativity for these days nd im gettin tired easily. )):
Think it's the emotional rollercoaster rides ive been on th past whole week.. Super hyperactive in class then emo nemo when im alone or with close friends.. Then frustrated at myself fer thinkin too much..
ANYWAY, last fri aftr school wenta meetup w th girls and fuggingly camwhored like we owned cine's kofu wahaha then shisha after waiting fer SOME ppl so DAMN fugging long.. Sigh sorry i wasnt being myself tht night and ive made up my mind tht i dont like staying out late anymore. All tht trouble me &Corin hadta go thru to find my NR ! D: Then i rmbed only aftr walking frm Haji to Somerset tht i cldve taken an NR frm Bugis tht goes to Somerset then change to another NR tht goes to my house, fer free. =.=